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The applicable interest rate to the prize pool on premium bonds (National Savings) has been reduced to 1.8% meaning that even with the maximum investment of £30,000 you could expect only £540 a year on average, and are likely to get the £1m jackpot once every 1,851 years.

Seems even ERNIE's feeling the pinch

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A store has just opened in New York where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is the following;

Ypu may visit this store ONLY ONCE!. There are six floors, and the value of these products increase as the shopper goes up each floor. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go down except to exit the building.

So. a woman goes to the store to find a husband. The sign on the first floor reads:

Flloor 1 - These men have jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

"That's nice," she thinks, " but I want more." So she contnues upwards. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

" Wow!" she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. The sign on the fourth floor reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, and help with the housework.

"Oh mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes on to the fifth floor, and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.

She is tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor #31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner has opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first  floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have no need for money, and will get you a beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

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You've got to love these politicians, squalid though they are - after all, their continued idiotic whining, combined with their puffed up self-importance, have enabled me to write a third blog.........

Yesterday I was on tenterhooks, eagerly awaiting the moment.  It would be a truly seismic event, earth-shattering even.  The Tories were to release a video of the raid on MP Damian Green's office.  

It was all over the news. 

A nation held its breath.

And then the video was aired - a short clip lasting no more than 20 seconds showing a door being opened, revealing an office with a number of plain clothes officers in it.  A shifty looking bloke then entered the office and showed some ID, before being advised that the office was the scene of an investigation and being unceremoniously shepherded out of the door.  And that was it.  Absolutely earth- shattering.

It was, without doubt, the biggest disappointment since Britney Spears got out of a car without any knickers on, revealing some gruesome looking lady-bits and shattering the fantasies of millions of young lads.

What on earth possessed the Conservatives?  To call it embarrassing doesn't even do it justice - this wasn't as much a case of shooting yourself in the foot as it was a case of machine-gunning your foot clean off. 

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 How long have we been waiting for the new Green Day record? 3 years?  Well, more details are finally circulating about the new record.  According to singer Billie Joe Armstrong, it could be described as "power pop." In an interview with Alternative Press, he says that The Creation, The Who and The Jam are all possible influences on the American Idiot follow-up, and he praises producer Butch Vig for his work on the record so far. The new issue of Alternative Press, which features the interview with the band, is on shelves now. 

A preview of the article is below.  (I know it's huge, lol, but who cares... it's worth the read.) 

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